I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
