Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
