So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
