i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
