I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
