I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
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You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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