I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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