I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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