I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
