haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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