everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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