the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
