Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
porn star boner night. come get it.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
