You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
