he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
