Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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