Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
