Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
