I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
