I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
