It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Randomize
