Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
