Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
