Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
