its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
