In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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