so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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