Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
