You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
