He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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