your thong is hanging out like whoa
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
