So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
