The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
