do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
