some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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