Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
