That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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