he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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