I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
