Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
