Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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