i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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