she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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