I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
