So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize