Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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