just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
this hospital has no fireball
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
