we have pet lesbian snakes
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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