So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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