Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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