Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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