I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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