You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
