he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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