Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
