Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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