I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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