He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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