Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Randomize
