I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
