just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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