great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Randomize
