Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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