I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
only if we run a train.
done.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
